i'm a mess. there's the breaking point where i want to stop completely
but my heart beat keeps telling me to give just the bare minimum, at
least for now..give something. that's why i only give so little, the
rest of me is built on destruction. i only have so much to give..my mind
is running on what i can get by with..barely. it kills me..day by day
knowing i don't have the strength. knowing that i can't stand myself,
let alone, someone else having the ability to stand me. i ask myself a
million times a day 'why would SHE want ME?'. but i've never asked
her...because i'm afraid of the answer. how can i let someone love me
when i can't even love myself. and i keep saying i'll try so hard but it
never happens. what the fuck has to happen to me in order for me to get
the fuck up and stop complaining, actually do something in order to
begin to build self confidence? i'm a wreck but only i have made myself
this way...and only i can reverse it. i just need..anyone everyone
someone..to understand..even when i can't. it may be
impossible..completely impossible..but i've got a lot of hope left in
me.
just hold my hand and tell me you'll still be by my side in the end.
-- ellevira
