with a name like that

you make me bite my nails
you make me hate myself
i can't stand you..and yet i love you
in the most disturbing way
i'm thinking too hard about something that i found really shouldn't be
so complex and here i am analyzing
if i cry myself to sleep would that mean that i care?
if i stop living for happiness would that mean it was all real?
movies and television fuck us up until we're just not real anymore.
we're stories, we're fiction and completely distraught.

i may cry, i may not but moving forth comes with great loss. the loss of
a heart..maybe 2. maybe more..
loss of hope and sight
strength and optimism
but this will build over the years

or there are always trains.
if you feel you're ready to walk then walk. and you can't even live to
fucking regret it

this is a chapter of me i'm ready to close and face and end. i may never
be what someone may want me to be again
and that is okay with me
lonliness doesn't last for eternity, not in the shoes i wear.

and i know love exists..in some form. that it isn't fate, it's luck and
not everyone is lucky
-- elle