kill a butterfly,set a moth free

if you would've asked me a few years ago if my friends and family would
ever betray me, i'd never dream of this scenario. i suppose i could be
selfish, like i'm told that i am. selfish for wanting the attention,
wanting everyones world to revolve around me and my needs. but i
actually fear attention, and fear the suffocation. nothing i say will
change minds that have been made but i don't think i'll ever shut up. i
used to but don't expect me to anymore. but now it's so easy to crack me
but i'm not broken. i'm alive in the sense that i want to be, in the
worst way. i want to be proven wrong..

your self destruction weighs heavy on my heart. you've welcomed the
darkest shade of fate with open arms, i have no memory of anything more.
it never leaves. it's in my shadow that camouflages but never really
disappears. you are the scars on my canvas that never did fade
completely. and they're here to remind me of the hours i lay
contemplating whether i should press deeper. if you love me enough to
save me...

it's 7 years later and i still haven't received an answer.

i realize i am the transparent ghost you've grown a fondness to, i'll
let you sleep soundless through the night. come morning, ties will be
mended and my smile is genuine.

maybe i am broken
but feel like the vas that you never heard hit the floor. it never
really mattered enough.