Monday, January 5, 2009

i'm in my music class haah i'm a dork

i think a piece of me is numb kind of like a callus or something. i
havent cried since i found about my grandma and her talking to him
again. it hurt me and scared me at the same time. how come everyone
chooses someone over me? my mom chooses her boyfriend as does my
grandma.. and yea. the list continues i guess. maybe that's why i love
mikey so much..he puts me first. it's nice to have that, no one wants to
always be second best.

i dont have a problem relying on myself i actualy like it. i won't lie
to myself or hurt myself purposely. i want the best for me. one day i'll
have it, i'm optimistic. fuck everyone who isnt. i've got a lot going
for me and some day maybe i'll share it with someone but not now. i have
no interest in anyone now i guess.. well one person but i'll always be
interested in her. i know it will never happen haha i tell myself that
all the time. pushing myself away is my what i do best so i can't get
hurt. these things i will work on... i'm not perfect but i like to think
that some day someone will think i am.

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