where do i apply?

there are hooks in my fingernails tied to strings that suffer bricks. it's possible to move but the pain is something impossible to bear. for a blade you say is too dull to snap the carry on, it sure does make a good gash in my chest. i know that one day you'll let me be and maybe it is too soon or maybe you realize it's too late to keep me anymore.
i can be unattainable. i can be a cling. maybe one day i will suffocate everything my hearts greeds but, for now, it's hard to breathe. i think that's okay, though. i need a part of me to hurt, to subsist, for once in my existence.

my perception is a reliance now. i'm ready to face what you can't see. i've grown, maybe it's just a little, but i know i have. my immaturity still obtains the best of me but it's a healthy type. i need to learn to let go, i need to learn to be an animated statue. take all of the good and embrace it. i wish the rest of the world had this type of strength that i know i do.

my birthday is in 2 weeks and i'm ready. i'm a typical teenager, ready to grow up but i am ready for the responsibility... i think.
i may be in way over my head but it feels like i need to be. learn what you can while you can, all of your knowledge isn't placed in books. open your eyes for once and maybe you'll really see the fucked up world. have a dream but never believe you're living it. there's always a catch. don't have distractions, be the distraction and be real.

i am at peace with myself. i can't remember the last time i felt this way.
respect me, i live for it and i will respect you.

june 20 - today marks the first day of summer. though i'm not excited for the heat, i'm anxious for more of it. and, like any other summer i've encountered, by the end of this season things will change for me. i'm more optimistic than afraid.

and here it starts.
you're a liar but you don't mean to be. you're not as old as you think you are in your head. that hypochondriac deserves you and i don't know if i'm being an asshole or if i'm just right. you wish too hard to be someone else when you could be happy right where you are. take your pills, take your drugs and try your hardest to kill yourself faster.. isn't that the 'in' thing to do these days? correct me if i'm wrong. know i tried, know i felt, know i could have fixed a lot of the bullshit.
a year ago, i wouldn't have been able to tell you this.

my fuse is still short, my skin can still crawl, my words can still hurt. i'm full of love but don't fuck with me.

kickrocksmikey: ahahahahaahahahahah i love us
deathsearchparty: WHO
kickrocksmikey: US
deathsearchparty: i love us too

mineminemine

xoE.