you deserved the fucking truth, now swallow it, i finally said it.

i miss you so much it's sick.
i never thought i could miss someone i haven't talked to in so long and it feels like it never went away like i thought it would.
isn't time suppose to heal all wounds? it hasn't thus far.
i know you want no part of me and i think i can understand why.
you're so quick to want to forget your past but know that your past hasn't forgotten you. maybe i'm not the greatest memory of yours.
and it's strange that many times you told me you thought i saw you as inequivalent, not as significant as i said. and yet, i'm the one still chasing after you, i always have been.
maybe one day i can finally forget, like you have forgotten me. but i still miss you.

i will get the good part of me back.

it has been raining a lot for it to be june. in the beginning, i loved it. now it's just becoming depressing.
i'm already getting happy birthday comments. it gets me a little more excited. 6 more days until legality!
i got 50 dollars in the mail from this fuckhead guy.. screw him, who wants to go blow it on bullshit with me tomorrow?

my mind is starting to pull at itself again. i'm in the center of a city that is selling souls like coke and trading hearts for bruises.
a territory of dead saints and every hand out is one that screams fuck you. these sidewalks were built to crumble and these skies were given as paintings to the hopeful.
the blind has better eyes than any of these low life motherfuckers.

saturday is a free show at joe's in dearborn (i think). mostly, if not all, the bands there are hardcore bands.. it should be fun, i don't expect many people but who knows.
it's always insane when you have the dudes i hang with.
wake the dead hour.

and this......

have you ever felt like you've lost your mind?when one good friend is so hard to findwhen the walls, the ceiling, the windows and the floornothing screams to you as loud as the door?because out is the only way to goall those lonely nights man, i've been there toocan i stand it? when i'm lostand the future is just a fucking blurcan i stand it? when i'm hurtand the days just get darker and darkeri'll stand it. through the roughif it means my mind will gain some strengthi'll stand it. like a statuewho's face is looking towards tomorrowbut sometimes it feels like it's just too muchthe clashing in my head, it's just too muchthe constant falling down, it's just too muchbut we've been dwelling in these graves, far too longtake a breath, reawake, call forth the dread in your waysubdue, prevail, triumph over every fucking dayto persevere through iswhat counts is that we struggle to find thestrength in our hearts to make the daysthis is the hardest breath, that we can fucking breatheis that we struggle to find the peacethat exists within our hearts