my dog has gotten more sleep than i have at this point. my charger is
being held together by a piece of scotch tape which is kind of sad. i
have a stack of unopened mail sitting beside me on my coffee table that
i have let build over the past few days.. or maybe even weeks? it's been
awhile. most of it is from colleges and universities, none of which i
have applied to or have made an effort to apply to.
the weather is getting colder and if i wasn't in such a weirdly
temperate climate i'd fully expect snow soon. winter will go by fast,
then spring then summer and then i'll be out of school and who knows
what i'll do then. i dont care about dances or prom or even knowing the
names of any of my fellow graduates, im just ready to finally get out of
that shitfest hell hole. sometimes i think there is only a trap for
failure here, no matter what i choose to do. it's a little scary, i try
to think that there will always be some type of safety net for me but i
want to stand on my own two feet. 18 is just an even number, im not
grown up yet
i miss a girl but i dont need to. it makes me reevaluate what really is
worth the fight. maybe we could be happy, maybe she could pick me. but
why do i always have to be picked? why can't i just be the one?
i dont know why i write these things, i dont know why i from time to
time randomly decide to rack my brain. i wonder if i give anyone
thought. probably not.. but maybe this will all be useful for me some
day
im making writing portfolios and i have a binder full of potential
schools.. maybe im more prepared than i thought to be
-- elle
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